I just got home from an amazing weekend in Ottawa were I spent my time with a small group of woman. Really each and every one of us are powerful. I learnt a lot about myself and who I had chosen to be unconsciously so that I wouldn't have to move forward because of this fear within me. A fear that I created that didn't exist in space and time. Really all fear is for me, is a feeling inside, an impulse, information from within.....I thought to myself why can't that impulse be felt as "moving forward" rather then a feeling of fear of something that I haven't created yet. We - I spend a lot of my "time" worrying or fearing something that hasn't even manifested.... ouf what energy that takes to do that all day long.
This weekend also helped me realize that a few weeks ago I almost lost myself. Who I am, and who else I am capable of becoming. Lost in exterior referencing and allowing myself to focus on someone else's beliefs and that's ok because the good news is, is that it only took me a few seconds to realise what I was doing. I was hurt by what someone else's experience of me as being irritating. I was hurt by something I was not responsible for and took complete responsibility for their feelings. I remind myself of my holodeck and how life unfolds exactly as it should. I am no longer willing to be responsible for no body else but myself. In saying that I know I need to take action and pick a date. All this time I've been waiting on my butt for a date to just appear. When I say pick a date it's all those things I say I want and don't do anything about it. I just sit there and flat line hoping it will just appear because I fear taking that first step. Picking a date and claiming, and actually stepping forward with what I/mySelf wants in life is a tough one for me because of all these insecurities I created "inside of me"on what might the outside think. I'm done with exterior referencing it has never done me any good. Plus I AM the godforce that moves through my world.
So.....I will pick a date! Not for anyone but for me. I know and trust I'll make it out the other side and all that is awaiting me. What more fun can I ask for when all I have to be is myself. Couldn't ask for more.
All is well :)
Karina
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
Crohn’s Association
It has been 7 years since my recovery from Crohn’s dis-ease. A dis-ease in the medical model that is known as an uncurable dis-ease. I have an incredible pressure in my body and I have been very wanting and willing to help others who have Crohn’s dis-ease. I want to help them experience their Crohn’s in another model of the world that is available to them that they may not know. It’s possible to experience their Crohn’s through another lens and shift their perceptual filters into one that invites hope.
So I decided to take action! I have an audio CD where I am interviewed with Louise LeBrun on my experience with Crohn’s which provides insight on how I cured myself from it. I also am a co-author for the book Sekhemet Rising: The Restlessness of Woman’s Genius where I speak of my experience’s growing up as a child and how I created Crohn’s as a useful means to get what I need. With my experiences I felt extremely compelled to contact the head of the Crohn’s association in Toronto and in Montreal. I wrote them both an email briefly letting them know of my experience and how I am cured from Crohn’s. I have even attached my article to read and offered to give them a copy of my intereview. I expressed to them how my intention is to help these people and that I wanted to volunteer my time. I sent this information to them a week ago, and have not heard back from either one of them. I did receive a read receipt last week so I do know that they received my email.
I found it quite interesting how these 2 people from the Crohn’s association never got curious as to who I was. If I was in an association and looking for a cure I would have contacted me! I would do everything in my power to learn and find anyway possible to find a cure.
I question this and get really curious about it. I wonder how it’s useful for them to never find a cure. I wonder how it serves their association? How does it serve them to continue to live with Crohn’s Dis-ease and how does it give them permission to continue living the same life day by day in habituation. Do these associations really even want to find a cure for whatever dis-ease they are finding a cure for? I guess finding a cure would mean they would have to do something else instead from what they already know.
I wonder how our world would unfold if people didn’t fear being powerful and in charge of their own lives. I wonder how our world would look and feel if everyone was healthy and did what was good for them and not what’s good for others?
I can tell you my world feels great and it feels playful….next step for me is helping others to feel the same way, wether the Crohn’s association is interested or not. I trust that people who are willing to live their lives for themselves will find a way.
Life is great!
So I decided to take action! I have an audio CD where I am interviewed with Louise LeBrun on my experience with Crohn’s which provides insight on how I cured myself from it. I also am a co-author for the book Sekhemet Rising: The Restlessness of Woman’s Genius where I speak of my experience’s growing up as a child and how I created Crohn’s as a useful means to get what I need. With my experiences I felt extremely compelled to contact the head of the Crohn’s association in Toronto and in Montreal. I wrote them both an email briefly letting them know of my experience and how I am cured from Crohn’s. I have even attached my article to read and offered to give them a copy of my intereview. I expressed to them how my intention is to help these people and that I wanted to volunteer my time. I sent this information to them a week ago, and have not heard back from either one of them. I did receive a read receipt last week so I do know that they received my email.
I found it quite interesting how these 2 people from the Crohn’s association never got curious as to who I was. If I was in an association and looking for a cure I would have contacted me! I would do everything in my power to learn and find anyway possible to find a cure.
I question this and get really curious about it. I wonder how it’s useful for them to never find a cure. I wonder how it serves their association? How does it serve them to continue to live with Crohn’s Dis-ease and how does it give them permission to continue living the same life day by day in habituation. Do these associations really even want to find a cure for whatever dis-ease they are finding a cure for? I guess finding a cure would mean they would have to do something else instead from what they already know.
I wonder how our world would unfold if people didn’t fear being powerful and in charge of their own lives. I wonder how our world would look and feel if everyone was healthy and did what was good for them and not what’s good for others?
I can tell you my world feels great and it feels playful….next step for me is helping others to feel the same way, wether the Crohn’s association is interested or not. I trust that people who are willing to live their lives for themselves will find a way.
Life is great!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Crohn’s “Dis-Ease” Experiencing it from a WEL-Systems® Perspective
About 11 years ago, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Dis-ease. The doctors told me that my entire life would change. My eating habits, exercise and just my way of living were to change completely because of Crohn’s disease. In the medical model of the world today and back then, it was said that there is no known cure for Crohn’s. The doctors didn’t know how it was created in the body nor did they know how to cure it. Some doctors thought it could be created from our genes but my case contradicts their theory as no one in my family has ever had Crohn’s dis-ease. I was given very little hope.
In January of 2006, I was invited to write “my story and my experience” so that it could be published for the world to read. This would require that I reveal who I am; that I stand fully bare and decloaked. I thought to myself, “Wow! What an amazing opportunity to fully share and express my experience in life and my experience with living with Crohn’s and what that has been for me.” So I did it!
I gathered up all my courage and wrote a chapter for Sekhmet Rising: The Restlessness of Woman’s Genius. I let the world know of my experience with Crohn’s and how I’ve cured myself of what I now know was an intelligent creation. I’ve grown a lot from this experience and now feel this incredible urge to write more about Crohn’s.
Everyday, I hear more and more about people suffering and dying from this painful dis-ease. The impulse in my body when I hear people speaking of how hopeless they feel and how victimized they feel as a result of this dis-ease….I can’t help but write about it as I know that medicating yourself and allowing yourself to crumble and die is not the only way.
I am willing to share part of my life experience and trust that if you choose to read it, it will offer you something for you to consider. It may call up something in you, whether you have any dis-eases or not. My intention in writing is to help people wake up from that deep, long, mindless habituated sleep that makes dis-ease possible. As you read, I invite you to just breathe…
My experience
When I first began to show signs of a physical problem, doctors would go with a traditional approach to helping me feel better. Their model of the world encourage them to offer what they knew best: drugs that would “silence, cover up, soothe, mask, hide” the pain that came along with Crohn’s. With the best of intentions and my best interests in mind, they would give me traditional medicine to cover it up, contaminating my body with 18 pills a day. When that approach proved not to be useful, they then moved to recommending that they remove the “defective” piece of bowel from my body, as if my body was just like a car that can be fixed by removing and replacing body parts. Even after doing that, the doctors couldn’t understand how the Crohn’s came right back! The range for return of Crohn’s can be months or years. In my case, it was a month after my operation.
It boggles my mind that doctors, with all of their experiences from seeing numerous to millions of Crohn’s patients, don’t seem to question how come the Crohn’s can recreate itself in the same spot after removing the “defective” piece. I wasn’t willing to settle for “We don’t know, Miss Evangelista. The dis-ease is really an unknown dis-ease. It comes and it goes.” (“Oh, pooooor helpless victim!”, came to my mind.)
One thing was very clear for me in my experience with Crohn’s: whenever I was stressed, my stomach would blow up like a balloon and I would have a Crohn’s attack. I was also very aware that when I wasn’t able to say “NO” about something or to someone, I would have a Crohn’s attack. If I didn’t want to do something, I would have a Crohn’s attack…and so on.
I was also aware of the feeling I would get when my mother (who is a Reiki Practitioner) would give me Reiki. I would feel warm and very calm. The energy would sooth me and I would become deeply relaxed. I didn’t know consciously what all these experiences where about. All I knew was that there is something more for me. Something more, other than being at mercy of this pain.
My Journey begins…..
I took courses with the WEL-Systems® Institute which helped me to consider my experience from a different model of the world – a WEL-Systems model. If you’re willing and you really want to, whether it’s about Crohn’s or any other dis-ease you have, you can experience it differently in the body. It’s all about breathing, following the impulse, and telling yourself the truth about that impulse and what it means for YOU. Not it’s meaning to anyone else, not what people want you to think or to believe. One thing I can tell you is that the doctor was right when he told me my entire life would change and it did - just not through the traditional medical model! J
Where do you start? Where do you go from here? Breathe, follow the impulse, tell yourself the truth and be willing to stay in the tough conversations. Especially the conversations with yourself! Be willing to ask yourself some tough questions; the ones where no one dares to go. Questions like: How is it intelligent to create an experience like Crohn’s dis-ease? What does Crohn’s give you permission to not have to pay attention to? How is it useful to create Crohn’s, or any other dis-ease, for yourself? Are you willing to breathe through those questions and really allow yourself to know the truth of your own experience?
I have been free of Crohn’s for six years. I trust and know that anyone can do the same. You can call it what you want: courage, strength or just deciding that I’d had enough! Either way, I was determined to get a move on with my life and fully claim who I was capable of becoming without using Crohn’s to get me to where I wanted to go.
I’ve learned that we choose who we can be. We can either choose to be at cause in our life or we can continue to be victims of our own intelligent creations – no matter how strange they may appear to be. Either one isn’t good/ bad, right or wrong. The more important question is: does it fully serve and sustain life for you? If it does, great! Keep doing what you’re doing. However, just know that creation and magic does lie outside of that box (of what you already know). If you’re willing to go into that space within yourself called “what you don’t know, you don’t know”, you’ll discover much more of your own potential.
If I where to share with you the toughest, most courageous thing that I had to come to terms with at that time in order for me to be able to move forward with curing and claiming my Crohn’s and getting my life back, it would have to be the need for me to be fully willing to tell myself the absolute truth of my experience with my life growing up as a little girl; and the truth of my experience with Crohn’s and how it intelligently served me throughout the time that I created it. Learning to truly trust that I am worth something; to truly trust that I do not have to fight for, work at and prove myself in order for me to have value. Trust that my life can be easy and that my life counts. Being completely willing to claim and be fully responsible for MY life, moment to moment. I cannot express to you how freeing that feels inside my body!
You too, can feel the same if you’re willing to: breathe, follow your impulse and tell yourself the truth of your experience.
In January of 2006, I was invited to write “my story and my experience” so that it could be published for the world to read. This would require that I reveal who I am; that I stand fully bare and decloaked. I thought to myself, “Wow! What an amazing opportunity to fully share and express my experience in life and my experience with living with Crohn’s and what that has been for me.” So I did it!
I gathered up all my courage and wrote a chapter for Sekhmet Rising: The Restlessness of Woman’s Genius. I let the world know of my experience with Crohn’s and how I’ve cured myself of what I now know was an intelligent creation. I’ve grown a lot from this experience and now feel this incredible urge to write more about Crohn’s.
Everyday, I hear more and more about people suffering and dying from this painful dis-ease. The impulse in my body when I hear people speaking of how hopeless they feel and how victimized they feel as a result of this dis-ease….I can’t help but write about it as I know that medicating yourself and allowing yourself to crumble and die is not the only way.
I am willing to share part of my life experience and trust that if you choose to read it, it will offer you something for you to consider. It may call up something in you, whether you have any dis-eases or not. My intention in writing is to help people wake up from that deep, long, mindless habituated sleep that makes dis-ease possible. As you read, I invite you to just breathe…
My experience
When I first began to show signs of a physical problem, doctors would go with a traditional approach to helping me feel better. Their model of the world encourage them to offer what they knew best: drugs that would “silence, cover up, soothe, mask, hide” the pain that came along with Crohn’s. With the best of intentions and my best interests in mind, they would give me traditional medicine to cover it up, contaminating my body with 18 pills a day. When that approach proved not to be useful, they then moved to recommending that they remove the “defective” piece of bowel from my body, as if my body was just like a car that can be fixed by removing and replacing body parts. Even after doing that, the doctors couldn’t understand how the Crohn’s came right back! The range for return of Crohn’s can be months or years. In my case, it was a month after my operation.
It boggles my mind that doctors, with all of their experiences from seeing numerous to millions of Crohn’s patients, don’t seem to question how come the Crohn’s can recreate itself in the same spot after removing the “defective” piece. I wasn’t willing to settle for “We don’t know, Miss Evangelista. The dis-ease is really an unknown dis-ease. It comes and it goes.” (“Oh, pooooor helpless victim!”, came to my mind.)
One thing was very clear for me in my experience with Crohn’s: whenever I was stressed, my stomach would blow up like a balloon and I would have a Crohn’s attack. I was also very aware that when I wasn’t able to say “NO” about something or to someone, I would have a Crohn’s attack. If I didn’t want to do something, I would have a Crohn’s attack…and so on.
I was also aware of the feeling I would get when my mother (who is a Reiki Practitioner) would give me Reiki. I would feel warm and very calm. The energy would sooth me and I would become deeply relaxed. I didn’t know consciously what all these experiences where about. All I knew was that there is something more for me. Something more, other than being at mercy of this pain.
My Journey begins…..
I took courses with the WEL-Systems® Institute which helped me to consider my experience from a different model of the world – a WEL-Systems model. If you’re willing and you really want to, whether it’s about Crohn’s or any other dis-ease you have, you can experience it differently in the body. It’s all about breathing, following the impulse, and telling yourself the truth about that impulse and what it means for YOU. Not it’s meaning to anyone else, not what people want you to think or to believe. One thing I can tell you is that the doctor was right when he told me my entire life would change and it did - just not through the traditional medical model! J
Where do you start? Where do you go from here? Breathe, follow the impulse, tell yourself the truth and be willing to stay in the tough conversations. Especially the conversations with yourself! Be willing to ask yourself some tough questions; the ones where no one dares to go. Questions like: How is it intelligent to create an experience like Crohn’s dis-ease? What does Crohn’s give you permission to not have to pay attention to? How is it useful to create Crohn’s, or any other dis-ease, for yourself? Are you willing to breathe through those questions and really allow yourself to know the truth of your own experience?
I have been free of Crohn’s for six years. I trust and know that anyone can do the same. You can call it what you want: courage, strength or just deciding that I’d had enough! Either way, I was determined to get a move on with my life and fully claim who I was capable of becoming without using Crohn’s to get me to where I wanted to go.
I’ve learned that we choose who we can be. We can either choose to be at cause in our life or we can continue to be victims of our own intelligent creations – no matter how strange they may appear to be. Either one isn’t good/ bad, right or wrong. The more important question is: does it fully serve and sustain life for you? If it does, great! Keep doing what you’re doing. However, just know that creation and magic does lie outside of that box (of what you already know). If you’re willing to go into that space within yourself called “what you don’t know, you don’t know”, you’ll discover much more of your own potential.
If I where to share with you the toughest, most courageous thing that I had to come to terms with at that time in order for me to be able to move forward with curing and claiming my Crohn’s and getting my life back, it would have to be the need for me to be fully willing to tell myself the absolute truth of my experience with my life growing up as a little girl; and the truth of my experience with Crohn’s and how it intelligently served me throughout the time that I created it. Learning to truly trust that I am worth something; to truly trust that I do not have to fight for, work at and prove myself in order for me to have value. Trust that my life can be easy and that my life counts. Being completely willing to claim and be fully responsible for MY life, moment to moment. I cannot express to you how freeing that feels inside my body!
You too, can feel the same if you’re willing to: breathe, follow your impulse and tell yourself the truth of your experience.
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